Pars Today

Welcome to this week's episode of the series "Iranian Family". In the previous weeks, we spoke of the importance of appropriate upbringing of children, and the role and contribution of family in bringing up a healthy generation. To this end, the main contributor is the terms of behavior and communication of parents with their children.

Currently, many imagine that upon working harder, and making higher earnings, the related couple would be further content. However, this is not the case. This is because the related spouse, instead of responding to the emotional needs of his or her family, has excessively focused on working. In fact, the related spouse has tried to make use of money in order to somehow meet the emotional needs of his or her family members. In the meantime, the truth is that if one works too hard to earn money, these excessive efforts would backfire and would lead to emotional numbness and distance of other family members, including one's spouse.

Sociologists strongly believe that a boost in income prompts further consumption. This is while many individuals are prepared to have a lower income, but establish and maintain stronger emotional bonds, in order to make their family members happier and further content. The essential need is to make an appropriate balance between one's life and occupation. Islamic sources have put emphasis on this point.

Now, let's pay attention to other aspects and dimensions of children's upbringing.

Family is a small unit which is shaped upon marriage, and is developed and reinforced with the birth of the married couple's children. Mankind has always considered marriage as the best available option for him. Marriage and establishment of one's family brings about a large number of benefits for the individual. For instance, marriage liberates the individual from a sense of confusion and aimlessness, and meets the individual's needs for establishment of emotional bonds, and legitimate joys of life. Furthermore, the married couple is further blessed with the birth of their children. Upbringing children and establishment and maintenance of emotional and amicable bonds with them is one of the best joys of life.

Being a member of a family, is like being a member of a team. A sense of participation in the familial duties and responsibilities is the sign of communication and emotional bond which exists between parents and their children. Upon the establishment of a positive and desirable communication between parents and children, the family members are motivated to carry out their duties in the best possible manner, which in turn is an epitome of content. Mutual cooperation enables us to display our kindness and amity toward each other.

One of the main contributors to formation of appropriate communication between parents and children is establishment of balance between one's demands and expectations. Usually, children maintain ever-growing wants and expectations, which are rather illogical in nature. illogical expectations of children are most often a plague which threatens families, causing numerous discomforts. Illogical and unmet expectations of children are usually accumulated, prompting a sense of despair and hopelessness among children. On the other hand, indifference toward children's logical wants also impedes communications among children and parents.  At times, children feel that their wants are neglected. Also, sometimes, parents compare their children with other children, pointing out their children's drawbacks. Such comparisons leave children with psychological scars, lowering children's self-esteem and self-confidence.

Children need to form an appropriate and amicable bond with their parents in order to feel good. One of the means for formation of this emotional bond is eye contact; the appropriate usage of which reinforces and cements parent-child relationship.

Parents should hold their children's hands, and given them a pat on the back, to make children realize they are not alone, and to understand that their parents maintain a positive outlook toward them.

Parents should also eagerly listen to their children's remarks in order to form a closer relationship with them and to leave a positive impact on their children.

One of the other important factors in children's appropriate upbringing is to honor your children, which leads to formation of a stronger parent-child relationship, and enables children to feel good.

MR/ME